On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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