She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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