Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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