i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
