That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
vagina is talking i cant
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
