I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
