why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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