Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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