Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
