Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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