This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
