Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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