On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
