2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
