somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize