Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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