redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
