if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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