we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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