I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I need a beard to bite.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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