you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
