I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
