Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
we should paint friendship bongs
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