After last night, I could never be a politician.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize