She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
