i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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