He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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