Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
