I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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