she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
