Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
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I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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