I don't think brook has ever known best
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
