if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
