The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
