I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
