Quick, to the slutcave!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
