her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
