btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
