he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
