You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
