my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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