I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
