this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
