i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
