Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
