I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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