Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
