my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
