Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
