I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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