mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
