I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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