he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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