So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
PANTIES FOUND
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