Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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