hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
